Friday, April 29, 2011

X-onked Out

Dante's best friend and psuedo-roommate, Jason came over last night after driving back in to the city from Tennessee.  He wanted to hang out since this will be his last weekend in town now that his Washington apartment's ready.  We had a good time.  Watched some movies, smoked some pot and ordered a shit load of food.  Jason's boyfriend, The Leprechaun joined us as well.  I was glad they came by.  Jason's a good guy and I'm glad we're boys regardless if I'm talking to Dante or not.

But it looks like I'm not the only one Dante's been rubbing the wrong way.  Jason was openly appreciative for the break from his "brother".  I saw that one coming a mile away.  I still don't understand how Dante agreed to, even suggested The Leprechaun move into his spare room.  I'm almost thankful I wont be around to see that implode.  



of course we got into the topic of what happened between Dante and I.  I don't make it a habit to ex-bash but I did offer up my side of the story,  Jason made it a point to let me know how different my side was from Dante's.  Whatever.  I don't think anyone's lying here.  We just have two different ways of looking at things.

Coming back from a bathroom break I overheard Jason tell The Leprechaun I was gonna be asking "Dante who" once the four Xanax's he popped into my mouth kick in.  There are certain assets in having crazy friends.  They get the best drugs.  I told them I've been like "Dante who?" for weeks now, only slightly feeling the numbing tingling in my limbs.

What the hell is up with my just opening my mouth and taking whatever pills people want to put things in my mouth?  Hmm. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Old Journal Entry dated july 28, 2009


He’s taken by surprise by the swollen and battered face he sees judging him through the mirror. Black blood has dried and crusted over from several lacerations barely visible over the dark purpling lesions budding from the bridge of his nose and slowly flowering over and under both eyes. His head hurt to the touch, various portions of his skull throbbing with a stabbing pain from a size eleven men’s flip flop being rammed against it several times.

His flip flop.

His eyes begin to well for the first time since waking up from what he had hoped was a horrible nightmare. Sharp pains in his side suggest another few bruised ribs, nothing new. It hurt like hell but he was positive nothing hurt enough to be cause for serious concern or require the medical attention he couldn’t afford either way. Noticing the oddly darker than usual flesh making up his ear he reaches to touch it but only flinches at the pain in his swollen right hand. Checking his ear canal for blood he remembers having to resort to punching him several times in an attempt to snap him out of his vicious rage.

A heart to heart between besties....

Jaime and I split a bottle of Jager last night and got pretty smashed.  Still pretty down about things he got emotional early on.  He began apologizing for that ugly incident after the boat party a couple summers ago.  We started talking specifics.  It never crossed into getting heated but it was obvious we both still have a lot of feelings about things in our past.

He kept hugging me, he kept telling me he loved me.  But it's hard to accept things at face value sometimes when those same actions were once used to manipulate.  I guess I can take some kind of solace in Jaime actually admitting to it now.  How it wasn't as one sided as he makes it out at times.  How he was just as responsible for the imaginary tether as I was.  We both practically held each other hostage in fear of losing the other.

It all stemmed from an ugly incident his father cause during his birthday celebration.  Jaime said he didn't want to be anything like his father.  He didn't want to do these horrible things and say these horrible things and then pretend he never did.  He says he feels like I let him off the hook way too easily sometimes.  I didn't know what to say.  Agree with him?  Sometimes I do.  But then where would that leave my friendship with him?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Sometimes it takes your heart time to figure out what your brain already knows.

Yeah. Dante and I? So. FUCKING. over.

I was feeling down the other night. After a high ride with a buddy I just had a lot on my mind.  My job search remains pretty bleak.  I haven't had many good leads lately.  What's worse is I feel like I've been unemployed so long I lost my swagger.  I was the kind of guy who would walk into an interview dripping with confidence.  I was in the mind set these people needed me way more than I needed them, and it showed.  Now I'm wondering if my desperation is permeating through my pores.  I feel the pressure.  There's so much riding on me.  Guess I just needed someone to talk to.

I should have done what I usually do.  Blog.  I vent uninterrupted without exposing any weaknesses and no body has to listen to me bitch and whine about how life sucks.  Win/wins all around.  I had a little more than just my unemployment bothering me. Regardless what I tell people all this back and forth with Dante lately is weighing on me more than I let on.  Figured I'd kill two birds with one stone.  Get things off my chest and talk to Dante.

My mistake.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Jensen Ackles can sit on my face!!!!!!

I've had the biggest hard on for Jensen Ackles since I first saw him on Days of our Lives as Sami Brady's long lost twin brother, Eric.  I followed him into Dark Angel, which I still thank for the shirtless fight club scenes and now I watch Supernatural for all the wrong reasons.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

Bruno Mars: Making grown ass men cry like pussies since 2010





I need to start following football more.


NFL Viking Ray Edwards has been doing some sexting lately.  I have to wonder, based on the man-panties Edwards is sporting and the double titty clamp, whether the recipient of these picture messages was a guy or girl.  Those short shorts are rather homo erotic.

YUM-MIE

Partied a little hard last night making my holiday runs. It's been a slow afternoon, haven't done much of anything but watch my stories and catch up on The Walking Dead and DC's Brightest Day.



So I'm checking out a couple blogs I frequent when I came across my baby daddy on Deliciously Queer & Sinful.



I wanna wrap my arms around this guys waist and be his belt FOREVER. My head his buckle and my mouth his cock sock. Bitch, I will trip my mother down some stairs to get at that. Check out Ben Godfre's pictorial for Timoteo at Deliciously Queer & Sinful. Tell em Slutty sent you. And keep your goddamn hands off MY MAN!!!!

Morning wood

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

HAPPY 420 BITCHES!!!!


Check out the twit pic stoner guru Snoop Dog posted on his twitter account to show how he commemorates such a glorious day.


In honor, and taking Snoop's lead I'm gonna sit back, smoke this q of g, eat these wangs and drink this box of wine and watch some of my favorite stoner movies of all time.  Puff, puff... PASS!






Check out a pictorial of various smoking celebs from TMZ here.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Reconnect?

Spent the last couple days at Dante's.  It's been nice.  We've been getting close again.  Real close.  Really, really close. ;)  After an initial moment of awkwardness where we were both feeling the situation out it didn't take long for us to fall back into our usual pattern.  It felt good to hold him in my arms again.

I was planning on making a quick exit after spending the night the first morning but since Jason's been staying with him while things are prepared for his relocation for work to Washington he got a hold of me early on.  We hung out, made a big breakfast, watched some movies.  Next thing I know while trying to lure Dante back to his apartment for an "afternoon delight" I ended up agreeing to stay for dinner again.

Afterwards Jason and the Leprechaun made it a point to give us some alone time which we took full advantage of.  It was nice of them to consider us like that, but it still took a little getting used to having so many people in Dante's apartment.  

I know he was having a hard time dealing with having his parents visiting, especially since he quit all his anti-anxiety medication cold turkey shortly before.  I remembered how much he told me my presence helped relieve the stress during his trip back home during last New Years.  I wished I could have been there for him like that again.  Unfortunately I think I'm more of a source of stress in his life at the moment.  What's really confusing me is Dante offering The Leprechaun his spare room.  

Knowing how Dante is I made sure to clean up the place a bit before he got home from work.  But Jason didn't life a finger, not even to clean up after himself.  Even The Leprechaun's crap was everywhere.  I want to tell Dante to think about it but I don't think we're quite there for me to start throwing out opinions like that.  I understand he wants to help his friend get out of a fag and his hag living situation gone tragic but Dante has been going on and on about getting his place back to his self when this string of visitations ends.  Why jump into another roommate situation?  I don't know.  I'm really starting to take note on the differences between what Dante says and what he does.

OH!  AND EWW! Look what I stumbled upon while cleaning up the place a bit.  I don't even know what this is?!?


Monday, April 18, 2011

The problem with Jaime and I

Jaime was pretty down while I was talking to him the other night.  Understandably so.  Ugly breakup with his retard of a boyfriend.  Issues at home and with his money situation.  And to already kick a dog when he's down his family planned to get him a cake and sing Happy Birthday to him while his father and brothers were all home.  While out shopping for groceries the idea must have slipped their mind.  Excitedly Jaime rummaged through the bags wondering what kind of cake they got him and came up with nothing.  They forgot.  Poor kid.  He felt guilty about letting it get to him.  "I'm gonna be twenty five years old," he pointed out trying to make himself feel better.  "It's not even my birthday yet."

Of course my inclination to want to protect him, to want to make him feel better kicked in.  Jaime was a bit tipsy.  He downed a couple rum and cokes after work and began to drunkenly tell me how he tries to be a good person but he's really not.

It was like something clicked in my brain.  I agreed with my best friend, silently to not further salt any wounds.  I love Jaime, but is he really a good person?  He can be self centered and selfish, manipulative and not very honest, especially when he's trying to prove his "innocence".  "Can be."  In the right situation can't we all? 

Slutty: "MaryKate?" Jaime: "Yes Ashley?" Slutty: "Have you ever noticed we somehow manage to unknowingly match clothes with each other in most of the pictures we've ever taken together?"  Jaime:  "Great minds."

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Stoner Movie Review: Scream 4, or Scre4m (lame!)



warning: So disappointed I'm going to spoil the fuck out of this bitch!

I had long standing plans to watch Scream 4 with Jaime. We were both pretty excited but of course, as do all our plans they were subject to change and we ended out drinking with the boys instead. So instead I ended up with Jason driving out to a theater in Skokie to see it the day.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Disclaimer....

I noticed my blog has been searched specifically by name recently.  I think in light of recent events a little paranoia is warranted.  Have I been found out?  An innocent reader perhaps?  A spiteful ex or someone looking for a little revenge?

I'm the type of guy who doesn't talk shit.  If I have something to say I will say it to your face, as long as I have a reason to.  I don't just go around looking for confrontation or ways to hurt people's feelings.  These are my personal thoughts and feelings.  Maybe I had a thought at the moment that I didn't feel the need to say out loud.  I am a firm believer of measuring a man by not only his words but by what he doesn't say.  Sometimes I need to work things out in my head.  I find it easier, and more productive to work out my issues internally before I decide how to proceed with others.  I try my best to respect other's privacy and not put out too much of their business but sometimes in telling the story it can't be helped.

Either way, whether it be my narcissistic need to have my written words read by strangers that brought me here.  Or maybe this is just an outlet where I can deal with the stresses of my life without having to expose my personal feelings and inner most thoughts... well at least not to my closest friends and family.  Maybe this is just a way for me to practice my writing and everything and one written about in this blog is made up.  A figment of my imagination.  Whatever.  Just sit back and enjoy the fucken show bitches.  :)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Cure for Coulrophobia? Fuck a clown.

Settling in for the night with a glass of wine and one of my favorite cheesey B movies from my childhood, Killer Klowns from Outer Space.



I really should text that guy from Ohio I met over Halloween weekend last year while bar hopping with some buddies.  I was dressed as a Christian who doesn't acknowledge pagan holidays, i.e. no costume.  I'm at Hydrate getting my round of drinks at the bar when I turn around and literally bounce my head off this guy's chest.  I look up at the full masked and gloved Killer Klown from Outer Space.  I yelped like a school girl and rushed away from the terrifying sight.  Later that night at another bar, I'm walking out the bathroom and again come face to chest with it.  He extends a clawed cartoonishly large hand and I can hear the muffled "hello" from behind the mask.  I'm about to run back into the bathroom when he pulls off the mask and I see a slightly freckled, chisel-faced, corn fed farm boy.  Fucking hot.  He introduces himself and offers to buy me a drink to make up for scaring me again.  I accept.  We end up at a party his friend's, who he's in town visiting, are throwing in their condo overlooking Boystown.  His friends aren't having me.  It's obvious they were expecting more attention from the hot farmboy.  Sensing the tension he invites me back to his hotel room in downtown where we raided the mini bar. It was hot.  We flip flop fucked like animals and took shots in between, sometimes during, until we collapsed into a sweaty heap and passed out limbs interlocked but not exactly holding.  We woke up the next morning, ordered room service and made plans to meet later at the parade.  I meant to write him as soon as I arrived at the parade.  But then the Puerto Rican kid in the baseball uniform caught my eye.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

A self examination

I'm.  Fucking.  Bored.  And not the menial "don't have anything to do at the moment" kinda boredom.  I'm bored with this existence.

I woke up feeling restless this morning.  A longing in myself.  Something missing.  Not that it was ever there to begin with.  Maybe the desire for change is what's different, what's new.  I'm tired of being this person I've become.  Smile and nod politely?  Since fucking when?  Why do I feel neutered?  What happened to my bite?  Why do I feel empty?  I want to feel something real.  I want to be a part of something tangible.  A biological clock finally kicking in after more than my share of stolen adolescence?  I hope not.  Is this destruction in my soul just my way of revolting against this tedious averageness?  I want to destroy.  Am I just angry?  This darkness has always been just below the surface.  The violence.  I want to punch.  I want to make something bleed.  Someone.  Barely even matters who.  Why am I so angry?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Lil Bow Wow takes it up the arse?




I feel a little dirty when I see Lil Bow Wow all grown up and looking hot.  I'm a little late on this but I recently came across a picture supposedly leaked by a spurned lover showing Bow Wow taking it up the poop shoot.


I wasn't able to find any further information online and a lot of people where pointing out the lack of a tattoo on his upper arm so most likely it's a fake.  But a boy can dream.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Bro code among the gays? Can't we all just get along?

All these failed relationships around me.  Jaime and The Retard.  Deejay and Jose.  Polish and Saul.  Dante and I.

I can't help thinking finding the common denominator in all of this.  Is my own bad luck in the matters of the heart bleeding onto those around  me?  Am I a jinx?

Let me break down this whole tawdry wanna be soap opera for anyone late to the show.  Jaime and I have been best friends w. benefits for over ten years now after he lied to me and told me he was 18 to my 23.  By the time I found out he was only 15 he had already integrated himself into my life, my friends and most unfortunately, my heart.  Polish was Jaime's childhood friend and first boyfriend.  The Retard and Polish once dated and had evolved into best friends when the whole unfortunate mess began between The Retard and Jaime, despite everything Polish and I did in our power to keep them apart.  Polish and The Retard end up on the outs due to the relationship.  Jaime and I end up on the outs due to the relationship.  Polish and I form an unspoken alliance, knowing our friendship was a sore spot for The Retard and Jaime.  Polish and I mess around after I turn to him after a heated argument with Jaime.  Never one to allow himself to be put in the back seat when it comes to me, Jaime once again (and far from the last time) forces himself back into my life and we grow close once again.  Jaime and I begin cheating on The Retard as Polish starts dating Saul who also doesn't care for The Retard.  Polish and Saul attempt to use me to torture The Retard but I bow out of all the bullshit deciding my friendship with Jaime is more important than any of the faggotry.  The Retard hates me and does stupid Mean Girl  shit to continue being no more than a steady nuisance in my life as he does with Polish.  Polish and Saul are on the outs and Polish is deported to Poland to deal with citizenship issues.  Saul and I hang out and end up messing around.  Looks like Polish and Saul weren't as over as he led me to believe and Polish returns and finds out about his boyfriend and I.  To this day he never questions me nor retaliates.  Still waiting for that one to come up but now that Polish has finally broken up with Saul he seems to have no problem using his new friendship with me to piss him off.  Jaime and I once again grow closer as his relationship with The Retard goes downhill and in a last ditch effort to maintain some kind of hold of Jaime, The Retard pathetically attempt to be my friend.  Isn't it strange now that The Retard's out of the picture Jaime, Polish, I and even China have had no problems getting along.

he about to lose...bout to lose...bout to lose me



Jaime and I shared a strange moment the other day while he was force feeding me Britney's new cd in his car the other day.  This song was playing and we had been smoking so being silly I grab his hand and passionately sing the lyrics right after her like I knew them all along and before I knew it I looked him in the eye, holding his hand and sang him, "I'm touching hands with someone seriously beautiful."

We kinda looked at each other and turned away embarrassed and pretended nothing happened.

"What the hell's wrong with you, Slutty? You've been on your rag all month?" Polish

I found myself crying on two seperate occasions today.  I say I'm over things.  I put on a strong resolve and my stone face.



 This song played while I was cooking steaks for dinner during a The Hills marathon with my DVR, a biore nose pad and my apricot face scrub.  Hey, every now and then u gotta bitch out.  I remember going grocery shopping with Dante and this song was stuck in my head so I started singing it and got it stuck in his head and we spent the entire car ride home trying to get the video to play on his phone.  It made me think of happier times.  When things were simple between Dante and I.  I still don't understand where it got so twisted.  I'm crying now.

I told Dante I want to concentrate more on moving on and being friends than dwelling on what went wrong between us.  I don't know how true that statement is but it's probably the best thing to do for the both of us.



I saw this video on another blog I check out of a guy who learned sign language for his boy friend who is really immersed in the deaf community earlier and again, the tears came.  Bah.  My vagina's showing.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dammit Dante!

So I'm trying to at least have at least a chapter ready to trade works with Kitty by the end of the week for our writer's circle jerk when I get a message from Dante.  I do the polite small talk thing. "How are you?"  "What's new?"

Now, someone asks me: "How are you?"  I reply: "Fine, thank you.  You?"

Not Dante.  The flood gates opened and forward spewed an onslaught of Dante's stressings over nothing.  I understand.  He has a lot on his plate.  He's stopped taking his meds for his anxiety cold turkey.  His parent's are in town this week.  Dante told me during our trip to visit his family for this past New Year's a close proximity to his parent's were always a source of stress.  Jason's staying with him this month as well, to be close to The Leprechaun before his relocation to D.C. for work.  He's also decided to cut ties with his friends back in Miami, including his ex and best friend, saying it's too painful to have to hear about them living their lives without him.

Dante told me he was lonely, even though there are at least four extra people in his apartment at the moment.  He then said he feels him and I still have some "air to clear".

"Go ahead if you feel the need to," I told him.  "But I'm really in no mood to listen to you're laundry list of what you believe are my flaws."

He pretty much shut down after that and we agreed to talk some other time about this when he's not at work.

I know I told him I wanted to reexamine this thing between us when I have my life in more control and have it in me to concentrate on someone else but I almost forgot how exhausting he can be.  All the examining and reexamining the most minute details.... ugh.  So not me.

Attempting to change the subject I filled him in on the drama with The Retard.  I think some of the sordid details of the convulted past between Jaime, The Retard, and I kinda bothered him.  Although I previously gave him the cliff notes on the subject while we were dating I never went into the details.

I don't know.  I just feel like as great of a guy as Dante is anything between us more than friendship will just end badly.  Mostly due to his inability to just chill the fuck out.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Intro to my new work...


Teaser:

Summer 2011,
Saturday

The red plumage of the mother cardinal streaks across the cloudless blue sky. She glides effortlessly, wings spread, over the full, green foliage of the Black Hood Forest. Warming her small body in the beaming sun, she raises a fiery, mohawked head. Her tiny beak clamps a fat, juicy earth worm, pulled recently from the loose soil below. It writhes wildly.

Tending to usually not venture this far away from her recently hatched nest, she was left with little choice but to go against her maternal instinct this morning. Over population and excessive competition for food forced the bird to venture further out from her usual hunting grounds and into the Black Hood Forest. Still uncomfortable with leaving the nest unattended too long, the young mother flies as quickly as her wings permit. Her long, thin claws tighten around the squirming, mucous drenched ends of the worm. Recalling the struggle, the fight before her victory, left her feeling invigorated. The amount of attention her nest demanded lately was like a noose around her neck. Motherhood might as well had tethered her to the ground. Hunting made her feel whole again. This was as her gods intended. She was a predator, not a caretaker to six starving heads who did nothing but whine loudly until fed.

Jackin in my snow man pajama bottoms


"Slutty sucks toes." Jaime to Polish while listing my positive attributes.

After The Retard finally emerged, he claimed he'd been drugged up and woke up on someone's floor, Polish picked me up and we went over to China's place to attempt to cheer Jaime up.  Jaime's convinced he's lying due to the call for smoke he made this morning and broke up with him.  In a pathetically desperate attempt to deflect The Retard brought Jaime's repeated infidelities with me.  He even claimed I was contacting him telling him about Jaime lying to him and rubbing it in his face about Jaime and I spending so much time together, even our sleeping over one another's place.  Good thing I always saw him for the piece of shit he was and knew better than to trust him.  So it's my fault then?  I made sure everyone understood to relay the message if he ever see's me out and about he better pray I don't spot him cause I am going to bash his face in.  This ass whupping has been 5 years in the making.

China, Slutty, Polish & Jaime during happier times
After some angry music, a bottle of vodka and a lot of listening to Jaime Retard bash, we decided to head out for more drinks and dancing at a local dive Jaime's been sneaking into since he was nineteen.  We had a good time.  Got a guy's number I made out with on the dance floor.  Jaime kept trying to say there was some kind of sexual tension between Polish and I and that we need to just get it over and fuck already.  I turned to Polish and asked, "Hey, you wanna fuck when we get back?"

"Sure," he smiled.  We flipped a coin to see who would bottom.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

mixed emotions

I got a call earlier.  It was Jaime, he was almost in tears.  The Retard never showed up at the train stop last night where his mother was supposed to pick him up after work and he hasn't been heard from since.  They also had plans to spend time together tonight, since they haven't in two weeks but hasn't been able to get in touch with him.  His mother and Jaime called around hospitals and police stations and anyone who may have heard from him with no luck.  The Retard's best friend, China, (who's a snip away from being a tranny) did get a hold of a girl who said he had texted her early this morning looking for weed but when he pressed her for more information she stopped responding.  I tried my best to calm my friend's nerves but I wasn't sure what to hope for.  For Jaime's sake I hope nothings happened to The Retard.  I don't know if he'd ever get over it.  But if he's ok, it doesn't look good.  Why is he ignoring everyone's calls?  Especially Jaime's.

He vowed if nothing has happened to him he's through.  This is the last straw.  I woulda thought the last straw was the time he got a blow job from some random as revenge for Jaime not spending time with him to hang out with me months ago.  Jaime got a picture message depicting the act from a friend of The Retard's the next morning.  Jaime drove me to work and went on the whole ride how he was over it.  By the time I left work 9 and a half hours later they had "talked it out".  ...  mine is not to judge.  mine is not to judge.

Manipulation by threat of infidelity?  I would have hoped my friend smarter than that.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Gay man trapped in a lesbian's body?

I have a weird obsession with The L Word lately.  My friend's are threatening to strip me of my dick sucking card and Jaime's at the point of cringing whenever he hears the first few cords of that obnoxious (but infectious, like herpes) theme song.



Is this a little pervy?

So I've been engaging in a mild flirtation with Manuel for about a year now. Interesting story, during my foray into a career in education what feels like eons ago, Manuel was in my very first class I t.a.'ed for. He was a cute kid but there was never any kind of inappropriateness. I was the cool young faculty member, all the kid's loved me and came to me with a range of issues and problems. I spent a lot of my time reminding student's I didn't need to hear some of the intimate details they decided to share at times.

Now, 23, after bumping into Manuel while he was working as a stock boy for a grocery store we exchanged numbers and have been messaging each other back and forth pretty frequently. It started off innocently, after discussing out mutual orientations (funny, I knew he was gay before he did, when he was a sophomore in high school) we delved into flirty. He started telling me things like he wishes he would have known I was gay when I was teaching him and we could have been having lots of fun in the locker rooms when no one was around. Eww. ...kinda.

My "relationship" with Dante recently put the flirtation on hold. It hasn't gotten physical but since the breakup, Manuel and I have graduated to texting one another dick pics and beating off for one another via web cam. He's been trying to convince me to film our sex marathons when we finally do decide to hook up.


He's legal, and there's nothing inappropriate about the age difference now that everyone is of adult age but there's still a little part of it that's kinda "eh" about the whole thing. He was my student for three years. Am I crossing some kinda moral line here?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Best quote of the day

"You should write a cautionary tale to young girls warning them about the dangers of being like those little bitches on My Super Sweet Sixteen."  Jaime Schnuck

Monday, April 4, 2011

Out of fucking left field...

Got an interesting message from The Retard this afternoon which is completely ironic in light of recent events, i.e. me and his boyfriend, my best friend, getting it on again.  Oops.  I haven't had any kind of interaction with him since two New Years ago when we last tried to be one happy family. I agreed to make an attempt for Jaime's sake but it was too much, too soon forced down my throat and during a heated argument with Jaime I suggested The Retard ask his boyfriend when the last time we fucked was. I didn't bother waiting for him to ask, I cheated and gave him the answer right away.  Two nights ago before our New Year's festivities. Jaime and I were pretty much estranged from that point on until our recent reconciliation.

Caught in a bad bromance?

I stirred awake around 5am this morning. Jaime and I passed out on the couch in front of the television after polishing off the thirty pack from the other night and a few bowls. We ended up not going to Tranny Bingo like we planned cause The Retard caught wind of our idea and decided to crash. Wasn't sure which of Jaime's reasons not to go after all trumped the other: The Retard retarding any fun we were hoping to have, or the bartender Jaime fucked behind his back working the night?  Mine is not to judge, mine is to sit back and enjoy the show.

Got another ear full on The Retard's bad behavior, how he doesn't appreciate Jaime and the efforts he makes for their relationship, how he act's like a girl, how annoying Jaime finds his transparent attempts to make everything a competition and about him and cries for attention. Jaime discussed how weird it was to be able to talk to me about The Retard but was glad he could. I told him I felt the same. I'm glad we've mended fences. Jaime's my best friend.

That being said I woke up this morning with his hard on in my hand. Still hazy from sleep I found myself stroking him through his jeans. It didn't take long for him to undo his pants so I pulled it out and started blowing him.

The basement comic book, video game and porn exchange

I got a message from Dante Saturday afternoon letting me know he reserved a table for Jun's show. I couldn't help notice he couldn't just say, "I want you to be there." Instead I got a "Jun will appreciate your support."  I can read between the lines. Jun's band (a mix of pop, blues, and folk) played a four song set opening for another artist at a venue up north last night. I was excited to go, but with everything going on between Dante and I, I decided it may be too soon for me to see him. I spent a lot of last week falling apart at the slightest reminder of my time with him.

"Get it out of your system and move on," has been my mantra lately. I don't want to derail any progress I've accomplished. Like I told Dante. "I told you I love you. I don't say that frivolously. I need time to get over it before I attempt to be your friend." With everything I went through with Jaime because of residual feeling I'm determined to not make the same mistake again. Dante is a great guy. Yes he has his flaws, but so do I. I just think that right now isn't the best time for us. I need to concentrate on myself, the next step in my career, my writing, my life, before I try to worry about making someone else happy.