I got a message from Dante Saturday afternoon letting me know he reserved a table for Jun's show. I couldn't help notice he couldn't just say, "I want you to be there." Instead I got a "Jun will appreciate your support." I can read between the lines. Jun's band (a mix of pop, blues, and folk) played a four song set opening for another artist at a venue up north last night. I was excited to go, but with everything going on between Dante and I, I decided it may be too soon for me to see him. I spent a lot of last week falling apart at the slightest reminder of my time with him.
"Get it out of your system and move on," has been my mantra lately. I don't want to derail any progress I've accomplished. Like I told Dante. "I told you I love you. I don't say that frivolously. I need time to get over it before I attempt to be your friend." With everything I went through with Jaime because of residual feeling I'm determined to not make the same mistake again. Dante is a great guy. Yes he has his flaws, but so do I. I just think that right now isn't the best time for us. I need to concentrate on myself, the next step in my career, my writing, my life, before I try to worry about making someone else happy.
I did appreciate the olive branch. I really wanted to be there to support Jun, to see Dante, and I hope he can understand my reasons, but really "oh well" if he doesn't. I'm learning I gotta worry about what's best for me before all else. How many times did he ditch out on plans with my friends?
Jaime and I had an interesting conversation earlier about what romance is. Jason made it a point to make sure I understood how important romance is to Dante while he was in town, but really, what the hell does that even mean? Dante has comes home from work to a clean apartment, laundry done and put away, with a homemade dinner waiting to be served by me in a jock strap. So that isn't considered romance cause I didn't lay out a carpet of rose petals leading him from the front door to the bed? Cause I didn't light any candles and have slow music playing in the back ground? Cause I didn't have a bouquet of roses on the table? What constitutes romance? The fact that you bought things? How is a stupid teddy bear and chocolates any better than my cleaning his place and cooking dinner? My mother's attic is a stuffed animal grave yard filled with tokens of my and my sister's past relationships. What the hell do I want with another teddy bear? Get me something I'll use. Like an action figure or comic book. Know your audience, right? I'm just not a very romantic person. But I make up with it in other ways, my consideration, eagerness to help out where I can, my devotion. Aren't those the kinds of things that really matter? Not some stupid bouquet of flowers thats just gonna wither and die in a few days.
"Get it out of your system and move on," has been my mantra lately. I don't want to derail any progress I've accomplished. Like I told Dante. "I told you I love you. I don't say that frivolously. I need time to get over it before I attempt to be your friend." With everything I went through with Jaime because of residual feeling I'm determined to not make the same mistake again. Dante is a great guy. Yes he has his flaws, but so do I. I just think that right now isn't the best time for us. I need to concentrate on myself, the next step in my career, my writing, my life, before I try to worry about making someone else happy.
I did appreciate the olive branch. I really wanted to be there to support Jun, to see Dante, and I hope he can understand my reasons, but really "oh well" if he doesn't. I'm learning I gotta worry about what's best for me before all else. How many times did he ditch out on plans with my friends?
Jaime and I had an interesting conversation earlier about what romance is. Jason made it a point to make sure I understood how important romance is to Dante while he was in town, but really, what the hell does that even mean? Dante has comes home from work to a clean apartment, laundry done and put away, with a homemade dinner waiting to be served by me in a jock strap. So that isn't considered romance cause I didn't lay out a carpet of rose petals leading him from the front door to the bed? Cause I didn't light any candles and have slow music playing in the back ground? Cause I didn't have a bouquet of roses on the table? What constitutes romance? The fact that you bought things? How is a stupid teddy bear and chocolates any better than my cleaning his place and cooking dinner? My mother's attic is a stuffed animal grave yard filled with tokens of my and my sister's past relationships. What the hell do I want with another teddy bear? Get me something I'll use. Like an action figure or comic book. Know your audience, right? I'm just not a very romantic person. But I make up with it in other ways, my consideration, eagerness to help out where I can, my devotion. Aren't those the kinds of things that really matter? Not some stupid bouquet of flowers thats just gonna wither and die in a few days.
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