Sunday, April 17, 2011

Stoner Movie Review: Scream 4, or Scre4m (lame!)

warning: So disappointed I'm going to spoil the fuck out of this bitch!

I had long standing plans to watch Scream 4 with Jaime. We were both pretty excited but of course, as do all our plans they were subject to change and we ended out drinking with the boys instead. So instead I ended up with Jason driving out to a theater in Skokie to see it the day.

I was able to sit through the entire thing. I jumped at the scares. I chuckled at the jokes. Although I didn't hate the movie and it wasn't overall a bad film I found myself dissatisfied and deeply let down by end credits. It was probably my own fault. I think my problem was I loved the original so much I hoped this fourth installment would live up to the hype and recapture what the following two sequels were missing. I made the mistake of coming in with great expectations. I wanted Scream 2011. I got Scream 4. From the ads I thought they were gonna shake it up. I'm THIS close to writing the script where Sydney finally snaps and ends up being the killer herself, taking out either fellow series survivors Courtney Cox or David Arquette. This was the story I wanted. Or Courtney Cox desperate to cling on to some kind of celebrity starts offing people herself to make the news. A place the original movie could have easily ventured as written. It was fun to get to see Cox's Gail Weathers be a bitch again with the addition of Duey's love sick partner. They should have either made her the killer or had Sydney kill her as the big reveal. Duey should be the only survivor. I'm gonna write that so don't steal any ideas bitches.

In the end it was the same fucking movie made three times already with a lot more murder and blood with the same trio surviving to see yet another sequel. Unfortunately there were more of the usual "self aware" jokes where the characters understand a little too well they're in a horror film. They also hint at the possibility of almost every character being the murderer.

I liked Hayden Panettiere despite her stupid hair cut but I cringed at the line where she actually says, "What do I have powers?", an obvious nod to her "Save the Cheerleader" days on NBC's Heroes.

Then there's little Emma Roberts. Really? This is where the movie went downhill for me. Besides Sydney and Gail being the killer, the aunt would have been the next best murderer. Something I was hoping for until she was killed in the doorway. The entire idea of Sydney's cousin recreating the murders and setting herself up as the only survivor to claim back some of the spot light hogged by her older cousin all these years is reDONKulous. It doesn't help that Robert's attempts at unhinged comes off as whiny and annoying. I was so put off by this definite twist I actually wanted her to get away with it. I was like I hope this bitch shoots all three of these fuckers AND that big eyed bitch from Sugar and Spice so we never have to revisit this bullshit again.

Scream 4 you suck dick.

...and not in the good way.

Holy shit and don't get me started on the double fake out in the beginning with Kristin Bell and Anna Paquin. Wes Craven has a lot of kissing my ass to do.

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Republica - Drop Dead Gorgeous, from the original Scream soundtrack.

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