Yeah. Dante and I? So. FUCKING. over.
I was feeling down the other night. After a high ride with a buddy I just had a lot on my mind. My job search remains pretty bleak. I haven't had many good leads lately. What's worse is I feel like I've been unemployed so long I lost my swagger. I was the kind of guy who would walk into an interview dripping with confidence. I was in the mind set these people needed me way more than I needed them, and it showed. Now I'm wondering if my desperation is permeating through my pores. I feel the pressure. There's so much riding on me. Guess I just needed someone to talk to.
I should have done what I usually do. Blog. I vent uninterrupted without exposing any weaknesses and no body has to listen to me bitch and whine about how life sucks. Win/wins all around. I had a little more than just my unemployment bothering me. Regardless what I tell people all this back and forth with Dante lately is weighing on me more than I let on. Figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. Get things off my chest and talk to Dante.
My mistake.
I got his standard, "everyone goes through it. It's just life" response.
Really? Gee, Dante. Thank you so much. Here I thought the world revolves around me and everybody was just hunkey-fucking-doory and I'm the only one around with problems. I needed that reality check.
Douche.
Bag.
Like I don't understand everyone has issues. So because everyone else is going through their own issues and have their own concerns I can't feel bad about mine. Guess a little understanding or just an ear to listen is too much to ask for from this guy who I'm supposed to be "cultivating" a friendship with. Cultivate this you insensitive jerk. Now I understand what his old roommate and good friend meant when he would refer to Dante as oblivious. But then he tells me he "still cares" despite how "frustrating" I can be. I wanted to sarcastically apologize for my situation being so frustrating for him. Since it's been a blast for me and all. I point out how he has a gift for always managing to make me feel worse when I'm down. Later after getting back from pizza, beers and darts with Jaime I find this message waiting for me in my inbox:
I sat there with my net book in my lap for twenty minutes starting and restarting a response. It was way too late for a call. I was so angry I cried. I started to write things along the lines of "fucking prick" and "do us all a favor and get back on your meds". Thank god Jaime spent the night. He talked me down.
I just couldn't understand where this is coming from because the person most negatively affected by my unemployment is me. And it's not like I'm enjoying it. I don't understand how someone I spent so much time with for so many months can know me so little. First thing this morning I replied to Dante's message.
I was feeling down the other night. After a high ride with a buddy I just had a lot on my mind. My job search remains pretty bleak. I haven't had many good leads lately. What's worse is I feel like I've been unemployed so long I lost my swagger. I was the kind of guy who would walk into an interview dripping with confidence. I was in the mind set these people needed me way more than I needed them, and it showed. Now I'm wondering if my desperation is permeating through my pores. I feel the pressure. There's so much riding on me. Guess I just needed someone to talk to.
I should have done what I usually do. Blog. I vent uninterrupted without exposing any weaknesses and no body has to listen to me bitch and whine about how life sucks. Win/wins all around. I had a little more than just my unemployment bothering me. Regardless what I tell people all this back and forth with Dante lately is weighing on me more than I let on. Figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. Get things off my chest and talk to Dante.
My mistake.
I got his standard, "everyone goes through it. It's just life" response.
Really? Gee, Dante. Thank you so much. Here I thought the world revolves around me and everybody was just hunkey-fucking-doory and I'm the only one around with problems. I needed that reality check.
Douche.
Bag.
Like I don't understand everyone has issues. So because everyone else is going through their own issues and have their own concerns I can't feel bad about mine. Guess a little understanding or just an ear to listen is too much to ask for from this guy who I'm supposed to be "cultivating" a friendship with. Cultivate this you insensitive jerk. Now I understand what his old roommate and good friend meant when he would refer to Dante as oblivious. But then he tells me he "still cares" despite how "frustrating" I can be. I wanted to sarcastically apologize for my situation being so frustrating for him. Since it's been a blast for me and all. I point out how he has a gift for always managing to make me feel worse when I'm down. Later after getting back from pizza, beers and darts with Jaime I find this message waiting for me in my inbox:
I sat there with my net book in my lap for twenty minutes starting and restarting a response. It was way too late for a call. I was so angry I cried. I started to write things along the lines of "fucking prick" and "do us all a favor and get back on your meds". Thank god Jaime spent the night. He talked me down.
I just couldn't understand where this is coming from because the person most negatively affected by my unemployment is me. And it's not like I'm enjoying it. I don't understand how someone I spent so much time with for so many months can know me so little. First thing this morning I replied to Dante's message.
I'm not to hurt at the idea those may well be the last words I ever say to Dante. That was my breaking point. I can never bring myself to give him another chance to make me feel this bad.
It's so over. I don't break up with people more than once.
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