Tuesday, February 15, 2011
It's just not my thing. I think it's a joke of a holiday that's been twisted to suite everyone's commercial needs and equates how much you care about someone to how much money you spend on them.
I'm not gonna lie. I couldn't help giggling like a school girl when Dante pulled out the bouquet of long stemmed red roses from his back seat and gave them to me the other day. "Just because," he smiled. But it was the sentiment he actually thought about me while I wasn't around enough to want to buy me something pretty, damn it how pointless. But Valentine's Day, or V.D. as I call it, just takes it to a whole nuther level of superficial.
And my belief isn't based on bitterness from a past trauma or a jaded view on love. I just think if two people truly care about one another they don't need to put on a big show with candy and flowers and tacky balloon bouquets. Really, what the hell am I supposed to do with a bunch of heart shaped aluminum balloons. Well, besides suck in all the helium and rap like a chipmunk Tupac.
This being said I thought it a pretty big deal I thought enough and cared enough about Dante's feelings to actually try to put forth an effort to "celebrate" with him. Even though I have my own yearly V.D. festivities which include a marathon of the goriest horror movies of all time, eating buffalo wings, smoking pot, and making voodoo dolls of lover's past while drinking forty ounces out of paper bags cause that's HOW REAL PIMPS DO IT. Anyone who cares to join is welcome. They've become quite popular amongst my friends. Now I've made it no secret to Dante how I feel about Valentine's Day. It feels like we're meeting one another half way when I ask him what he wants to do and he tells me it's up to me. So I tell him I'll clean his apartment up and do his laundry while he's at work and have dinner and a hot bath waiting for him when he gets back. I'd follow it up with an extended full body massage and complimentary happy ending.
So while he was at work I look up a few recipes and go out for lunch with Dee Jay. The plan was to do some grocery shopping for supplies afterwards but while I was at Dee Jay's I received a call from Dante asking me if I wouldn't rather go out for dinner instead. It's about what he wants since I don't care about Valentine's Day remember so I agree. T-minus 4 hours till he was off of work. I get back to his place and start researching places we could go. On Valentine's Day. Without reservations. I narrow it done to a list of about five. T-Minus 3 hours. I ask Dante his opinion on my list. He tells me he's busy at work and he's sure I'll do fine. Like I'm in some kind of pony show. Very condescending. T-minus two hours and I haven't lifted one finger to clean his apartment cause I'm raiding his closet for something decent to wear out to dinner since I only brought clothes suitable for a quiet dinner and seduction at home. T-minus one hour. He tells me he's too spent from work to go out and if we can do a rain check. On Valentine's Day. So I excuse myself from the conversation and tell him I need a moment so I can prevent myself from saying something one of us will regret. REALLY?!? Then when I try to explain to him why I'm pissed off he says he left the decision making up to me and refused to own up to switching the plans on me twice. I tried my best to let it ride and ended up ordering some pretty good delivery for us and watching some dumb shit he wanted to on Netflix. I wasn't really feeling the whole bath or massage or happy ending thing anymore. Dinner was... civil and we both went to bed pretty quietly.
I couldn't help but wonder if this was only a taste of what's to come. The passive aggressiveness reminded me of my arguments with The Mistake. But I wasn't sure who he reminded me more of. The Mistake? Or myself? I'm not sure which idea scared me more. Then there was his complete inability to see my side. I never realized how stubborn Dante was. Which only made me that more stubborner. Again, am I not liking the reflection in the mirror? Then because I had the audacity to say the word "fuck" and to raise my voice cause I was angry suddenly the topic of the conversation was no longer how Dante made it impossible for me to give him the Valentine's Day he wanted to me "yelling and swearing" at him. Whatever. Deflection. That's one I will never own and is all The Mistake. I do what I do but I'll man up to it. If I'm being an asshole I'll apologize and say "I was an asshole". I don't know. I'm pissed and feel wronged. He's pissed and feels wrong. Guess we'll just have to see what happens tomorrow.