Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Phonies, Drunk Driving and Barebacking Puerto Ricans

There's a reason I maintain such good relationships with my friend's.  I'm loyal.  I protect my friends ferociously.  I'm trust worthy and a great listener.  I'm not much of a gossiper and when I'm told something in confidence you may as well whispered your secret to the wind.  I don't repeat what I hear.  I also have enough good friends I've accumulated through the years to know who I can go to for whatever it is I'm in the mood for at the moment.  Movie in the park, a picnic with some wine or a museum or art exhibit I want to catch?  Valerie.  Sweaty gay club hopping coupled with SHOTS. SHOTS. SHOTSHOTSHOT SHOTS.?  Omar.  Comic book convention or a marathon of vintage video games?  Jaime.  Chilling in the man cave with a couple of thirties of bottom of the barrel crappy beer, listening to loud house music and a butt load of green?  Abe.  Of yay?  Marky.

I also enjoy keeping most of these relationships separate and I don't appreciate when they mix.  Especially when they take it upon themselves to amalgamate.

I usually don't have many gay friends.  With everything I went through the last eight years with The Mistake Whose Name I shall NEVER Repeat, I've learned the importance of surrounding myself with positive influences.  Of maintaining my friendships.  After the mistakes I made in jumping into a relationship with Matt I was a.  unsure of, and b.  not ready for; I'm wary of the friendship we're trying to build from the ruins of our being together.  Unfortunately he's somehow incorporated himself in other aspects of my life.  I can't help but notice how attentive he becomes anytime I'm communicating with Dante in his presence.  So far his bag of tricks have including:

  1.  undressing
  2. talking loudly and inappropriately in order to make his presence known
  3. fellatio
  4. flashing me
I even caught him taking pictures of his cock on my cell phone for me (or someone else, I suspect) to find later.  Then there's the overtly obvious way he pays attention to my first serious boyfriend turned newest G.B.F.F., DeeJay.  There was something about the way they clicked over the conversation on what an attraction money is that just rubbed me the wrong way.  Then there was something about him and Marky standing side by side at the trough the other night.  How about how he jumped at the chance to take a drive with Abe to pick up the Mascoto?  I wasn't actually worried.  Two bottoms don't make a right.  What are they gonna do?  Bump donuts?  Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.  I just don't like sharing what's mine.Or what was mine.  Whatever.

What was interesting is how much attention Abe was paying me.  He asked me out again.  Said he'll pick me up friday for the movies.  I acted completely uninterested, which only made him more interested.

Not sure if I'm interested.  There's still Dante.  I seem to find myself thinking about Dante a lot lately.  I like him.  He likes me.  But we both agreed to take it slow.  We're still in the getting to know one another stage.  I'm not sure if he's dating anyone else and since we're not really being sexually active (mostly due to my issues in dealing with the incident) I don't really have any reason to ask him.  Of course I know guys are interested in him, maybe as much as they're interested in me.  He told me the other day he didn't understand my friendship with Matt.  I explained Matt was there for me during a time when I didn't have many people to turn to.  He pulled me outta a black hole.  I already owe him for that plus my added guilt over the way I treated him while we were together.  Truth is, I like Matt.  Even if it didn't work out between us.  He's someone I think I want in my life.  There are the similarities I can't help but to see between him and The Mistake.  But as Dante pointed out recently with the similarities he can't help notice between me and his ex, you can't judge others for the mistakes of someone else.

I don't know.  Maybe I need to enjoy being single for awhile.  Learn to appreciate being in my own company before I try to take on the happiness of someone else.

Boo, gotta get ready.  Gotta hot date with Dante in a bit.  Duece, bitches.

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