Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Nerotic Neurosis

I like Dante.  I really do.  There was an instant attraction since I tagged along on a trip to the movies with DeeJay and a couple of his friends I never met a couple months ago and we've been pretty smart about taking things slow and getting to know one another before deciding to make anything official and exclusive.

Now with that said, I've heard some things in regards to his... neurosis.  And I'm using the plural there.  Neurosisisis? Neurosi?  In fact, when DeeJay was throwing his tiara in the ring for most dramatic actress during his little, "BUT I'M IN LOVE WITH DANTE!" saga, one of his PowerPoint bullets was Dante's tendencies to excessive anxiety and obsessive thoughts.  Though Dante has been completely upfront about his issues with me I guess I just didn't realize how much they could actually affect me.

It can be kinda exhausting listening to someone obsess for hours about the most menial issues.  I mean, I can have issues of my own.  We all do.  But overall I'm pretty chill about things.  If there's something going on that I have no power to affect or change?  Then why stress over it?  I like to tackle the problems I have as quickly and efficiently as possible.  But going over and over and over the same minute detail?  Just not my thing.  There's a fine line between being self aware and over analyzing the existence of one's naval.

Plus there's the whole added pressure I've been feeling at having to really think about the kind of affect what I'm saying will have on Dante, and how he feels about me.  I'm not in the best of situations.  Still unemployed, I was let go from my last gig as the personal bitch to the owner of a very lucrative car armory after The Incident a couple months ago.  Due to my experience most places I've been applying to believe I'm over qualified and therefore going to expect more money than they're willing to pay.  I can't help but wonder how my current situation weighs on his feelings for me, especially since he can be so critical of those around him.  He thinks highly of the people he surrounds himself with and sometimes it seems he holds it against them when his expectations aren't met.    

I guess I'm worried about what's going to happen when his expectations of me aren't met.  When the novelty of me wears thin.


No comments:

Post a Comment