silence is golden

It seems like Dante and I have been on a constant up and down in our relationship lately. Sometimes it's just a bit too frustrating. There's already the issue he's having at the similarities in personality he notices between me and his last boyfriend. I can't help we both liked comic books, and enjoyed smoking pot. He says he's not comparing me but he's brought it up on more than one occasion during his extended rants on this thing between us. It's a little difficult to get talked at about yourself. I understand he needs to work out the things in his head and say things out loud but I told him I didn't think I was the best person to do that with since we're discussing us. I can't unhear things he says when he's thinking things out.

I'm a man of a few words. When I talk I like to make sure I actually have something to say and there some merit to it. I don't like talking out of my asshole. That being said I enjoy being able to be next to someone and do my own thing while they do theirs. Like being in each others presence is enough. There's no need to force conversation to stifle the silence. I don't feel the need to entertain them. Companionship like that is rare. It's what I had a lifetime ago with Gino and most recently with The Mistake. Sometimes I find myself tuning people out because they go on about the most frivolous and mundane things. If they're someone whose feelings I don't want to necessarily hurt I smile and nod politely, trying my best to seem interested without really encouraging them to go on. I don't want to be in a relationship where I find myself tuning my partner out. Sometimes when Dante goes on about some tangent I can't help but think, "really? This is what you're bitching about?" I couldn't help but to tell him this, since we were being honest about what bothers us about the other person. I didn't want him thinking the mostly made up "concerns" he has with making it official with me are anywhere near the real concerns I have about it. He was kinda taken back and told me he sometimes mistakes my nonchalance for me not caring. His statement kinda opened up a can of worms and I opened up a lot. Even cried a little. I was feeling needy. I needed someone. I thought he would be there for me. He wasn't. Of course, he has another out of town guest coming to visit and needed to prepare for that. I can understand his not wanting to get lost in love with me to the point we can't stand to be apart for a moment and stops living his life but then there's making me feel I have no place in his life, until he's available for me. I played that game already. I have no interest in jumping into something where I'm made to feel what I take the back seat to everything and one else.



During our conversation Dante told me he spent the entire week trying to build up the courage to ask me to be his boyfriend. To make it exclusive. Funny, he still hasn't. He wants romantic. He wants expressive. He went on how his ex from Florida made him feel so special and showed him how he deserves to be treated. I'm like what the fuck do you want me to do? Feed you grapes and fan you as you clear you're dvr? Felate him while he eats a christmas ham? I'm getting tired of having to guess what he wants. I'm not a fucking mind reader. Why can't he just tell me what he wants.

I can't be sure what it is Dante does or doesn't want but I know for sure what I do and don't.

Poetry

I wanna catch this film showing at the Music Box Theater.  You don't get much from the trailer but the story centers around an old woman who begins taking a poetry class as her brain starts to deteriorate from Alzheimers.  When the grandson she's raising is involved in the gang rape of a young girl who later commits suicide, the grandmother is faced with the moral dilemma of whether or not to join the families of the other young attackers in paying hush money to the victim's mother.

what a let down

Caught the newest animated movie from DC Comics, All-Star Superman on demand last night.  Usually I'd be waiting for the store to open to get my own copy the day it goes on sale but after picking up the first two issues of the comic of the same name which the movie was based on years ago and quickly deciding not to continue following it I decided to hold off on the purchase.  I was so right.  I hated the comic.  I hated the movie.  It felt juvenile and rushed, like they were trying to throw too much in, making it pretty convoluted.  Hopefully this is the exception cause so far I've loved every movie DC has released.

It is sad and a little ironic that comic and film script writer Dwayne McDuffie died the day before the movie he wrote about the final days of Superman premiered.

Justice League XXX Trailer

Sexual Healing

It seems like the small problems adding up between Dante and I may have been symptomatic of the bigger issue: our lack of sexual compatibility.  Physically speaking.  Yesterday Dante reminded me there's way more to sex than just penetration.  He reminded me on the kitchen counter while we cooked dinner.  He reminded me as I hung over the ottoman after dinner.  He reminded me on the guest futon while I started my latest Twin Peaks marathon afterwards.  He reminded me in his bedroom that night.

From the moment he got home from work he couldn't keep his hands off me and seemed to have made the decision somewhere in his day I would spend the rest of the evening naked, taking it upon himself to strip off any article of clothing I attempted to put back on.  I gave up pretty early on and just went on with my balls hanging and assed out.

So he likes surprises?  The plan is to greet him at the door when he get's back from work in nothing but a jock strap, throw him against the wall for the best head of his life and just about the time I polish him off the BBQ smothered pork ribs and baked potatoes I've been preparing for dinner should be ready.

Seriously bitches?  It's really not that hard to keep a man interested.

"...oops i did it again."

Feeling vulnerable with everything going on with Dante, I agreed to spend some time with The Mistake recently.  It was easy to slip back into our usual flow.  It was as if several months haven't passed since last we've seen one another.  It was reminiscent of a time we couldn't go a day without seeing one another.  That lasted almost eight years with the last two of them living together.  We were oddly compatible.  Our personalities complimented and meshed with each other so well.  It was as if we were on the same brain frequency.  We would finish each other's sentences and even randomly say things at the same time.  We just picked up where we left off.

There was a time I considered this man my lover, my brother, my best friend, my everything.   He was my soul mate.  It's unfortunate when your soul mate finds theirs in someone other than you.

We caught up with one another's lives, asked about each other's families, we even discussed our issues with Dante and The Retard.  I couldn't help but notice how easy it was to talk about our relationships.  I stopped myself from smiling when he referred to The Retard as a "goofy looking mother fucker" when he was telling me about ye with only one working ear going through his phone and getting angry about the numbers he doesn't recognize.  The Mistake was also getting annoyed at the incessant texts from the tailed bastard (think Shallow Hal needs a gal, people) trying to create an argument in a transparent attempt to divert his attention back to himself.  Guess there honey moon's been looong over.  On one of the last occasions The Mistake and I spent time together months ago, the little retard that could was upset he wasn't able to lure him away from me.  The next morning The Mistake gave me a ride to work and received a picture message from a friend of The Retard's.  Guess since he was pissed off his boyfriend was spending the night with me, he decided to get a blow job from some guy who's been sniffing around his cock for awhile.  His friend snapped a picture of the act and sent it to The Mistake.  What a pal, huh?

"You don't have to worry about him anymore.  It's over," he told me for the second time and I wondered who he was lying to more.  Me or himself?  By the time I was out of work that afternoon they had already made up.  Control by threat of infidelity.  Who's weak enough to fall for that?  Minus 50 cool points.  Then again how many get out of jail free cards has The Retard racked up by now?  He's been cheated on with myself alone more times than we can count on both hands.  I couldn't even tell you the times with others.  The Mistake is smarter than to trust me with that kind of information.  Especially since the last time he tried to force this idea of all of us being friends after everything that's happened on me.  I ended that idea when I instructed The Retard to ask his boyfriend when the last time we fucked was.  I wondered aloud if he would tell him the truth.  The night before New Year's Eve, the weekend before.  That must have been an awkward ride home.

But I let go of all that anger.  I don't hold any ill will towards anyone.  But it's like I said.  I'm not a phony person.  I'm not gonna smile in his face and pretend to be his friend.  There's been way too much negativity for that.  We spent almost four days together, hanging out, like old times.  It was a little odd when he rested his head against the pillow next to mine in bed at his house.  We've been usually going for the safer, head to toe configuration.  But we were good.  We stayed on our own sides of the bed.  But the other night on my couch we fell asleep with me holding him.  ...  Nothing much happened.  Much.  We did both cum.



He told me he wants to meet Dante.  I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

I want all of these

My new man crush

So I'm hanging out with The Mistake other day. We're smoking up and he's force feeding me these really gay musical numbers from Glee and I'm at the point where I would rather shove bamboo sticks into my eyeballs than watch another moment when I notice the really friggin hawt gay kid. Not the REALLY gay blonde kid. The dark haired one with the lips. Sigh. His voice alone is enough to have me on my knees, mouth gaping, but then there's that attitude. This kid's got serious swagger not to mention the balls it takes to be confident enough in one's own masculinity to belt out overtly feminine pop hits like Katy Perry's Teenage Dream and Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny's Child.

Have I mentioned what a hard on I get over self confidence?

I start worrying I'm gonna be put on some kinda perv list for ogling the kid so I do what any homo would. Googled shirtless pictures of him. I did find out he's thankfully over the legal limit of making me a dirty old man and this shot of his abs from an upcoming Out Magazine cover where he comes out as a straight actor. Boo. I think I'm gonna start a "Let's turn Darren Criss Out" campaign. I'm gonna follow him around the country like a groupie and when I have my chance I'll walk up to him and tell him I noticed his penis isn't in any one's mouth at the moment then ask, "May I interest you in a blow job?" Sigh. And they tell me I'm not romantic.

Tearful brunches while asian children are having epileptic seizures over Marvel vs. Capcom 3

Stayed over Dee Jay's place last night. He needed someone to let the cable man in while he worked in the morning so he picked me up yesterday afternoon and we got something to eat. Of course he wasted no time steering the topic of conversation to what's going on between Dante and I. Oddly enough, I filled him in on V.D.'s Revenge.

As much as I've been trying to pretend my recent problems with Dante haven't been bothering me, I know deep down they are. And Dee Jay has known me well enough to hear what I don't say. I spilled my guts even though I usually don't open up to my friend like that. Not that I don't see him as a true friend, Dee Jay's proven himself to me this past year. He's also proven himself to be extremely opinionated. Plus he likes the sound of his voice a little too much. A potentially obnoxious combination in my eyes. I'd rather just save myself the frustration of having to listen to his unrequested two cents. Sometimes all you need to do is to talk AT someone. Not to. Sometimes all you need to do is to vent and have someone listen without attributing your problems to a story you're in no mood to listen to or without getting advice you didn't request.

I teared up a bit when I finally said out loud I thought this may be the deal breaker that ends things between Dante and I.

Again, I couldn't help notice how many times Dee Jay emphasized how much more compatible me and him were than me and Dante are. Whatever. Of course he couldn't wait to tell me what a wonderful Valentine's Day he spent with his boyfriend.

Douche.

Later we went back to his place and I took out my frustrations on his PS3 playing the new Capcom vs. Marvel 3. The game play is great with easy to learn moves and it looks awesome with it's bright colors and flashing lights almost like an animated comic book.

The Phoenix, kicks serious ass, going ape shit at level 5 and turning into Dark Phoenix as her hyper. Galactus as the game boss quickly bitch slapped us both and we realized flipping this game wouldn't be as easy as we thought. I quietly enjoyed how pissed off Dee Jay got.

Plus the edition of random character Arthur, from Ghouls n Ghosts is pretty cool, especially how he runs into his armor in nothing but his boxer shorts like he does in the original video game.

Beating off while waiting for the cable man

"Girls, girls, you're both pretty."

So this is Nicki Minaj's cover for her album Pink Friday.

And this is the cover to Lil Kim's new album, Black Friday, released today.


Nothing like a good ole bitch fight to get the commerce going. I can't help but wonder about this "on going" drama Lil Kim refers to between the two female rappers. It's been awhile since we've heard from her. Can she be using Nicki's popularity to increase her own? Duh.

Now I love me a good bitch fight.  And I love me some Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj.  I kinda got a hard on for the self assured man's woman.  Attitude like a dude and curses like a sailor under this hard veneer of feminine sexuality; that's my kinda woman.  That being said, Lil Kim's album cover is a little much.  Slapping pussies is one thing.  The bloody decapitation of sex dolls is another.

Check out the Lil Kim article at MTV.com here

V.D.'s revenge

So anyone who knows me knows two things are fact:  number one, I have a great ass; and B, Slutty Iotis doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day.

It's just not my thing. I think it's a joke of a holiday that's been twisted to suite everyone's commercial needs and equates how much you care about someone to how much money you spend on them.

I'm not gonna lie.  I couldn't help giggling like a school girl when Dante pulled out the bouquet of long stemmed red roses from his back seat and gave them to me the other day.  "Just because," he smiled.  But it was the sentiment he actually thought about me while I wasn't around enough to want to buy me something pretty, damn it how pointless.  But Valentine's Day, or V.D. as I call it, just takes it to a whole nuther level of superficial.

And my belief isn't based on bitterness from a past trauma or a jaded view on love.  I just think if two people truly care about one another they don't need to put on a big show with candy and flowers and tacky balloon bouquets.  Really, what the hell am I supposed to do with a bunch of heart shaped aluminum balloons.  Well, besides suck in all the helium and rap like a chipmunk Tupac.

This being said I thought it a pretty big deal I thought enough and cared enough about Dante's feelings to actually try to put forth an effort to "celebrate" with him.  Even though I have my own yearly V.D. festivities which include a marathon of the goriest horror movies of all time, eating buffalo wings, smoking pot, and making voodoo dolls of lover's past while drinking forty ounces out of paper bags cause that's HOW REAL PIMPS DO IT.  Anyone who cares to join is welcome.  They've become quite popular amongst my friends.  Now I've made it no secret to Dante how I feel about Valentine's Day.  It feels like we're meeting one another half way when I ask him what he wants to do and he tells me it's up to me.  So I tell him I'll clean his apartment up and do his laundry while he's at work and have dinner and a hot bath waiting for him when he gets back.  I'd follow it up with an extended full body massage and complimentary happy ending. 

So while he was at work I look up a few recipes and go out for lunch with Dee Jay.  The plan was to do some grocery shopping for supplies afterwards but while I was at Dee Jay's I received a call from Dante asking me if I wouldn't rather go out for dinner instead.  It's about what he wants since I don't care about Valentine's Day remember so I agree.  T-minus 4 hours till he was off of work.  I get back to his place and start researching places we could go.  On Valentine's Day.  Without reservations.  I narrow it done to a list of about five.  T-Minus 3 hours.  I ask Dante his opinion on my list.  He tells me he's busy at work and he's sure I'll do fine.  Like I'm in some kind of pony show.  Very condescending.  T-minus two hours and I haven't lifted one finger to clean his apartment cause I'm raiding his closet for something decent to wear out to dinner since I only brought clothes suitable for a quiet dinner and seduction at home.  T-minus one hour.  He tells me he's too spent from work to go out and if we can do a rain check.  On Valentine's Day.  So I excuse myself from the conversation and tell him I need a moment so I can prevent myself from saying something one of us will regret.  REALLY?!?  Then when I try to explain to him why I'm pissed off he says he left the decision making up to me and refused to own up to switching the plans on me twice.  I tried my best to let it ride and ended up ordering some pretty good delivery for us and watching some dumb shit he wanted to on Netflix.  I wasn't really feeling the whole bath or massage or happy ending thing anymore.  Dinner was... civil and we both went to bed pretty quietly.

I couldn't help but wonder if this was only a taste of what's to come.  The passive aggressiveness reminded me of my arguments with The Mistake.  But I wasn't sure who he reminded me more of.  The Mistake?  Or myself?  I'm not sure which idea scared me more.  Then there was his complete inability to see my side.  I never realized how stubborn Dante was.  Which only made me that more stubborner.  Again, am I not liking the reflection in the mirror?  Then because I had the audacity to say the word "fuck" and to raise my voice cause I was angry suddenly the topic of the conversation was no longer how Dante made it impossible for me to give him the Valentine's Day he wanted to me "yelling and swearing" at him.  Whatever.  Deflection.  That's one I will never own and is all The Mistake.  I do what I do but I'll man up to it.  If I'm being an asshole I'll apologize and say "I was an asshole".  I don't know.  I'm pissed and feel wronged.  He's pissed and feels wrong.  Guess we'll just have to see what happens tomorrow.    

Movie review over a wounded heart...

Matt and I joined my sister and the douche-in-law for a late showing of The Black Swan in down town last night.  Despite eagerly wanting to watch this movie since seeing the trailer before it's release I found myself dozing off during the drawn out set up at the beginning.  After awhile Matt just left his hand on my crotch and squeezed accordingly to keep me from snoring.  It  started off slow but once it got going Matt wasn't the only thing that had me by the balls.  

I couldn't help but feel a natural dislike for the weak and reserved "Nina", played by Natalie Portman, which sounds about right.  This is an Arnofsky film.  His main characters tend to be so internally flawed the audience usually finds it hard to relate to, let alone like, the character.  On the other side is the enigmatic Mila Kunis as "Lily";  the rival ballerina, the free spirited seductress who taps easily into the dark energy needed to play The Black Swan, a wall the uptight Nina hasn't been able to break.  Once again I find myself mesmerized by Kunis who plays the vixen perfectly.  Then there's the surprise lesbian sex scene...


Black Swan
Without throwing out any spoilers, I must say I couldn't help but to pay close attention to the interactions between Lily and Nina and to the way the other characters interacted with Lily and Nina to either prove or disprove my theory Lily was Nina's Tyler Durden. 

The whole "what the fuck"ness of the final dance at the movie's climax only made the abrupt ending that much better.  This is one to definitely rewatch a couple of times.