WTF?!? ...or, Suck my dick, Jack Frost. You bitch.

Really?  REALLY?!? Cause we haven't suffered enough.  These neighborhood kids I pay to shovel my snow better get their little bad asses here early.  I'm from Chicago, born and raised.  We don't complain about the cold.  But GODDAMN!

It kinda looks like a big dong doesn't it?

What my boyfriend beats off to.

buy it here

I've never been the type of guy to snoop.  I feel very strongly about people respecting my privacy and come from the "practice what you preach" way of thinking.  So while I have been spending a lot of time at Dante's new place alone I never had the inclination to go through his belongings to find any remnants of boyfriend's past still left over or googling all the names on every prescription bottle in his medicine cabinet.

But the other day while I was hanging around waiting for his new futon for the guest room while Dante was at work he called me to ask if I could find something for him in the ottoman.  I couldn't help but find the porn featured in this post.  I was rather impressed at our similar taste in men cause mister Brian Green over there is FAWKING HAWT.  I couldn't help to beat off to it a couple of times myself.

One thing though.  What's up with the distended urethra on dude in the cover shot?  Eww.

...so gay

Shortly after coming back from my road trip with Dante to North Carolina for the holidays I was out drinking with Jaime when I heard this song. I couldn't help but remember sitting in Dante's parent's loft in Charlotte. I was reading with his head on my lap. He was asleep and the way my free hand rested on his chest i was able to feel his heartbeat. So I left my hand there while I read for about an hour. I felt so close to him.

I drunkenly told Dante once this song reminded me of him but I never told him why.

Snow Days 2011, Navy Pier

Living vicariously through others pictures.  *sigh.

Captain America. Awesome.

this one's my favorite.

wonder if they were really trying to get a pic of the snow boarders in general or one in particular. hmm.

i find this one pretty creepy

Festering Glands

Still sick. I'm going to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning. Maybe I waited a bit too long. Missed drinks at Hydrate last night.Wasn't able to check out the ice sculpture competition at Navy Pier today. Boo. It sucks to be me.

Had an interesting conversation with Raven yesterday after her furniture hunt with Dante. She mentioned being contacted by someone at perezhilton.com regarding her blog. Awesome. She went on to tell us how she has opted out of the blood transfusion that could possibly cure her disorder. Raven has a blood disorder where her blood cell don't multiply and separate from each other like healthy cells do. Her cells replicate, but clump together causing mutations in the cells and not allowing her to get the proper nutrients her body needs to run correctly. At first I didn't understand why she wouldn't allow the doctors to completely replace her blood with a series of transfusions, most likely getting rid of the disorder but as she explained it I couldn't help but almost agree with her decision to instead take a heavy load of supplements and medication.

We've all heard stories about how after a limb or organ transplant, the patient begins to have memories that aren't theirs or begin to pick up strange unusual habits they never exhibited before. Our blood carries DNA which makes us who we are. What would happen if all the DNA, your DNA, is replaced with a combination of other people's. With such a big part of what makes you, you gone and filled with others DNA what happens to you? There's just so much we don't know about the blood, things scientists are learning everyday to risk something like that. I'd be scared myself put into that situation. Would I still be me?

The idea intrigues me. I want to somehow incorporate it into the character synopsis of the main character in the newest novel I've been working on. I think it would add an interesting layer to the question of whether or not someone is born evil? Or can they be infected by evil and thus be forever changed by prolonged exposure.  Like sometimes things happen that are so basically bad and evil that it taints the soul.  Maybe it's all in the blood. In our DNA.  It's all very Lynchean.  Which reminds me.  Now's a good time for a Twin Peaks marathon. 

so a pollack, a beaner and an asshole walk into a bar...

Being sick sucks. Stupid swollen gland. That's right. Just one. It kinda looks like there's a little second head trying to bore it's why outta the side of my neck. I keeps it sexy.

So should I let a little sickness get in the way of my social calender? I'll get back to you on that one. I'm supposed to meet some friends for drinks and dancing at Hydrate tonight for a burlesque-inspired show a drag queen friend of Deejay MC's. I invited Polish to join us since he's been going through some issues lately with his boyfriend Saul. Seems Saul's overwhelmed with going back to school and family issues and feels like Polish isn't being supportive enough. Though how literally supporting someone, since Saul has been unemployed for some time now, isn't supportive enough for someone I don't understand. Polish was looking forward to meeting me for a drink or two tonight and getting some things off his chest but I guess Saul wasn't appreciative of these plans because he broke up with him. I have an interesting past with both Polish and Saul, but it's not like we didn't extend the invite for Saul to join us. He couldn't make it due to a late class. On Saturday?

Polish has been an acquaintance of mine for some years now. He grew up with The Mistake and they even shared a number of their "gay firsts" with one another. It's an interesting parallel between The Mistake and I and Polish and The Retard. But I'll get into that some other time. Though never quite friends, never quite enemies we shared an uneasy alliance knowing our friendship was a slap in the face to both The Mistake and The Retard. I hooked up with Polish after a night out dancing. After a fight with The Mistake I responded to a random invite from Polish who was having issues of his own with The Retard.

As for Saul, he came over one night with a bottle of Jager in one hand and a six pack of Red Bulls in the other. This was while Polish was away dealing with his immigration issues in the mother land and he told me they were broken up. We watched anime dvd's and went through both my comic book and action figure collection. We were in drunken nerd heaven. It was kinda nice to share all that with someone again. I hadn't had that since The Mistake moved out. We knocked out on the couch and sometime in the morning his penis found its way in my mouth. We were both kinda freaked out cause neither had planned it but we decided to not tell Polish about the encounter. Seems they weren't as broken up as Saul led me to believe.

Though I suspect Polish pieced it together already, we've been getting closer lately. Mostly due to me threatening whoever was harassing him with insulting phone calls from an anonymous number. No one but a selected few, including me, knew Polish had recently experienced a freak death in his extended family so the timing was extremely inappropriate. We both shared the suspicion that although maybe not directly, The Mistake was guilty by association through his new band of Mary fags. So I confronted The Mistake and told him to pass the message along to leave Polish alone or deal with me to any interested parties. Of course he claimed to be uninvolved.

"Since when are you his secretary?" The Mistake predictably asks me. I took great joy in calmly telling him I'm no one's secretary. I'm just looking out for a friend.  I could tell my choosing Polish over him affected him.  Hurt him.  

Polish and I bonded over the experience.  I told him not to let all that drama get to him.  We all go through that Mean Girl, faggy bullshit, just some of us never grow out.  I think that's why I haven't done the "group of gays" thing for so long.  I stayed away from having a group of gay friend's because when I was a part of it and the Boy's Town community the cattiness and the constantly having to out bitch one another was exhausting and it made me someone I didn't want to be.  I think I'm learning now with my recent branching out and meeting a different kind of gay man than I am accustomed to through Dante, gay men more like me who don't switch around, lisping loudly wearing tiaras through life.  To each their own and all, but I always felt I'm a man who wants to be with a man.  If I wanted pussy, I'd go back to fucking women.

"With ambition you can do anything. You can make pigs fly." Raven Rant

So I've realized something about people I meet who aren't originally from Chicago. They sure do like to hear themselves talk. I mean they REALLY like the sound of their own voices. Usually, and by that I mean soberly, I'm a man of few words. So when I do talk it's usually sage like pearls of wisdom. Toot, toot, bitches.

Be it Dante from Miami, or Deejay from New York, I find myself tuning out a lot during one sided conversations. Blah blah blabbity blah blah turns into white noise. I couldn't help but notice this morning how Raven (of L.A.), a professional blogger friend of Dante's who moon lights as a dominatrix, went on and on and on and on and on about absolutely nothing while on speaker phone to confirm an emergency IKEA run to temporarily furnish Dante's new place.

Ok, I may be reaching a bit.  I guess I'm just frustrated with Dante's incessant self analyzing of the most menial and minute issues lately. I'm trying to understand the whole anxiety thing but sometimes I just have to tell him, "Dude, chill the fuck out." As guilty as it makes me feel cause there's a part of me that questions EVERYTHING I do cause I'm worried how his mind will analyze it, sometimes I feel like sitting there listening to him rant and rant and rant can enable him. Like he's thinking and talking himself crazy. But then I don't know how a mind with a level of anxiety that high thinks. Maybe he needs to get it all out. Maybe I just need to man up and listen.

Boo.

So I joined Dante and a group of his friend's for some Shakespearean improv show last night. Sucked balls. By definition the word improv should be no where near this place. Though kudos on the stiff drinks, it was a little suspicious how the annoying little bitch a couple rows down just quickly "suggests": things you would say to your dog and not your girlfriend, almost even before the request from the "improv" actor is complete.  Even more suspicious is how the "suggestion" for the night's theme was instantly accepted before one word from anyone else in the audience could have be uttered.

I call Shenanigans.

I chuckled a couple times but I couldn't help notice how loudly and frequently the same chick who made the "suggestion" laughed almost as if to que everyone else on what was supposed to be funny.

But the shots of JB were awesome.

We walked over and danced at Roscoes after wards. It was crowded. It was loud. It was exactly what I needed.

On the train ride back to Dante's I vaguely remember having a conversation about The Incident. Dante knows. I didn't tell him. He claims to have figured it out on his own. He knows the signs, he said. Can't help connect the dots back to my good buddy Deejay who I confided in recently. And with a purpose. Guess if your friend's are gonna have faults you may as well exploit them for your benefit.

Speaking of which, couldn't help but to be put off by a conversation with Deejay earlier about some 21 year old piece of ass he had over last night. Ok, so he's not exclusive with Jose but he goes on and on and on and on about how he like's this guy and wants to partake in "girl" talk with me to analyze the slightest milestone. I was joking with Dante last night about Deejay baking Jose a cake to commemorate the anniversary of the first accidental fart they shared. A chocolate one. How honest are these feelings if he's telling me, explicitly, mind you, about banging this kid. And I didn't even bother to mention his schpeel about how he would never be involved with anyone under 25 because he's on a whole different level than that when we were discussing my relationship with Matt. Why is it so difficult for people to own what they say? I almost laughed as he told me the random bang made his realize how he wants to move forward with Jose. That is so twistedly Deejay.  Just can't help thinking how desperate he seems to find someone.   

But mine is not to judge. Mine is to listen to my friends and only put my two cents in when requested or if I deem it necessary. I hold it in, then I spill my guts out on these pages.  So much more therapeutic than making me listen to it.

Feed a cold, jerk off a fever.

Fever thoughts

Sick in bed. Need a smile.




I wanna someday feel the genuine satisfaction this horse must feel at being the cause of this little ginger bastard shitting his pants. It's the little things.

"Mean and green and nicotine" Bizzie Bone of Bone Thuggs N Harmony, Thuggish Ruggish Bone

Ganja. Green.  Bud.  Dro.  Kush.  Whatever you call it, I like to smoke weed.  I like to be high.  I'm what I like to call a functioning pot head.  I wake up, take a toke and go through out my day with a smile on my face and the less likelihood there is I will punch someone in the face.

I'm not stoned out of my mind high all day long, staring at the walls and watching cartoons.  I just like being slightly lifted when taking care of things.  I just smoked a bowl now.  Now Dante has admitted to his druggie days back in high school and college but says he's grown up and left all that behind.  Good for him.  I don't have a problem.  I don't fiend for weed, or anything else I happen to be partaking in at the moment.  I also don't feel the need to hide the fact that I smoke from him.

So I'm throwing the boxes his new furniture came in out at the dumpster behind his new apartment and I notice I conveniently brought along my hitter box.  So I take a quick toke and as I am walking to the back door I exhale just as the door opens and Dante walks out for a smoke.  I felt like a child caught doing something bad.  The look on his face only made it worse.  All he asked me was, "You're not doing that all day while your here are you?"

"No," I lied.

I don't like that feeling.  I'm going to have to have a discussion with him about this before it turns into something bad.  Maybe I should point out how many times he has to stop his day to walk outside for a cigarette.  Hey Pot? Yeah it's the kettle. Yeah? Yup.  Guess what?  You're black.

IT'S BONE BITCH!!!

What I don't understand is how Bizzy Bone WONT show up to a reunion tour despite all parties involved ASSURING fans of the attendance of all members of the original Bone Thugs lineup but he'll show up for Tosh.O? Check out his assistance in the average homeboy's web redemption at time stamp 1:42. I kinda get a fruity vibe from him too, like he may be playing on the other team if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

Tosh.0	Tuesdays 10pm / 9c
Web Redemption - Average Homeboy
tosh.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

Pissing with a hard on...

I've been taking stock in my life a lot lately, inventory on my friends and those I choose to surround myself with. With this new year I want to make it a point to surround myself with more positive people. People who know who they are, who don't say one thing yet do another, who when I'm listening to I don't have to wonder if every word out his mouth has been a lie. Successful people who want to do more than just sit around and get high... like go out and do things and get high.

Whatever.

While hanging out with my friend DeeJay yesterday, I couldn't help notice (and be a bit put off) by what a negative outlook he has on everything. No matter the person or place we're discussing. "Parking there sucks." "No one goes there." I hate that guy." "I fucked that guy." Bitch, you've fucked everybody.  No lie.  Everyone.  He rarely has a positive thing to say about anyone or anything.  Thing is, no one rarely has anything positive to say about him either.  Truth is I can't help but silently agree with what I hear though I'd never openly rag on a good friend in front of strangers.  You never know who knows who or who talks to who.  Write that down.  It'll be a rare thing to ever hear someone be able to truthfully say that I was talking shit about them.  I will rarely say something behind someone's back I wouldn't say to their face.  A pretty strange trait to have in the gay community in my city.

So I've been out of the scene for some time now. My self enduced exhile gave me enough time to live down the reputation I gained when I first burst out into the scene. Having a room mate like Dru who went through  owners and managers of bars and clubs like he changes his underwear made wild partying to access an almost every night thing.  I'm older now.  Smarter. Pretty much fresh meat again.  I'm wondering if I really want to be judged by the company I keep once again.

I can't even count how many times I've been in innocent conversations when somehow it just happens to come up I am not only friends with but was in my first gay relationship with DeeJay, and I get THE LOOK. Like simply saying his name invokes the taste of something disgusting in their mouth, like a vagina.

Then come the inevitable stories I either polietely sit through without participating much in the conversation to hint I'm uncomfortable with the topic, or I flat out admit to knowing my friend's faults but understanding him enough to know why he's the way he is.

But lately... yeah. He's been really pissing me off.  I've been going through a bad time lately. I call it my situation.   I've been very lucky to have my friends and family there for me while I've been looking for a new gig.  DeeJay in particular.  He's been there for me and I don't know how much longer it would have taken for me to heal without his support. That being said, don't do things just to throw in my face when it feels appropriate.  It's little petty things but still no less annoying.  Nothing I've felt the need to call him out on.  But still, it adds up after awhile. 

Company you keep.   I learned this leasson already.  

Here's another lesson I learned alot more recently.  Moderation.  He's a great guy with the best of intentions. It can just be a little...much at times. Like whenever we're in public. He just always seems "on". Now, I have no problem in my own skin. I know who I am and there is not one part of me that feels embarrassed about being a gay man or who feels the need to put on a front for anyone's comfort. That being said I also believe that sexuality is such a small part of what makes me, me I don't feel the need to go skipping through life, thrusted forward by the flaming rainbow shooting out my ass as I sprinkle glitter everywhere with every breath.

I like having intelligent conversations with adults not play a game of who knows more about what.   Just the other day it seemed like Dante couldn't open his mouth without having Deejay turning it into a pissing contest.  Then when me and Deejay were hanging out later he had the nerve to tell me, "You believe how Dante was acting the other night."

Seriously?

I like even less the game of "Who Knows and Has Been More Intimate With Him (as in me)" he likes to play alot lately with Matt.  Especially since I made the mistake of venting to DeeJay my concerns over continuing a friendship with Matt. .

While I'm on the subject of Matt, I couldn't help but notice how he's quickly becoming one of my favorite people.  After our escape from Bitch Mountain, IE, Deejay's apartment, the other night we planned on hoping on the bus to get to the train where we'd go our separate ways.  We ended up taking the hour walk to the train station instead, laughing and smoking the whole way.  Exploring the neighborhoods and laughing when we ended up in what looked like the projects.  I guess he was right about the disagreement we were having regarding this post's title. Kudos, bitch. I owe u a quarter of green.

Sneak peak for Wonder Woman Issue 606 on sale tomorrow

Click here for a look. Guess they're gonna keep the new costume. It's starting to grow on me. The new direction they're taking the character in as well.

Chico and the Man, The Reader, 1/20/11

Great article on mayoral candidate Gerry Chico and his ties (both good and bad) to Mayor Daley from Thursday's Reader. Click here for the complete article.

Quick whank while I wait for Deejay to pick me up for some retail therapy

Crossing swords and bumping donuts.

Ok, something's been really bothering my lately.  Things with Dante are going great.  I helped him move into his new place, even spent the entire weekend with him while he shopped and furnished and set up the apartment.  I find myself liking him more and more.  Even confided in his co worker and good friend who we went out for drinks with the other day of my intentions of making it official.  There's just one problem.  I'm scared that we're not sexually compatible.  It's completely true about what I say about two bottoms not making a right, but what about two tops?  There's only so much making out, heavy petting and fellatio two young, healthy, attractive homos can do before the inevitable lead to someone getting penetrated.  What are we supposed to do when neither is very gun ho about getting a dick up the ass.  Me being me, I think since his penis is the larger of the two I should be the one to stick it to him since it will obviously hurt less.  No go.  Plus after the incident I'm barely now being able to want to get into sexual situations and adult content.  We've tried.  I've yelped like a little girl and said, "FUCK THAT! I'm just gonna give you head."

We tried last night on the inflatable mattress in his unfurnished apartment again to no avail but actually this morning we were able to have sex a little longer than usual.  But then it got to be too much and I had to stop.  Baby steps.  I don't care what kind of negative connotations people view guys who bottom.  That shit hurts!  I give them mad respect.  It takes a real man to take a cock up the ass.

I'm just worried cause Dante's attractive.  And there's no shortage of thirsty fags sniffing around his dick for a taste.  He a man.  How long is he going to put up with me with holding  sex from him?  I'm not sure how long I would if the situation was reversed?  Maybe I just need to man up, chug down something strong and REALLY alcoholic, blaze up a doobie and get fucked.  We'll see how tonight goes.  I decided to try again after our dinner double date with Deejay and his new trick/boyfriend(?).  I don't know.  I can't keep track with that guy sometimes.

The Best Tweets from Rahm Emanuel, The Huffington Post

Now that he's been voted ineligible to run for mayor of Chicago in 2011 a number of interesting tweets are out there all claiming to be Rahm Emanuel.  Funny how closely Emanuel's reaction is to what mine would probably have been in the same situation.  Can't decide which one's my favorite but the Huntington Post collects a good assortment of them.

For the list click here

memories of a monster ginger cock past

My good friend Jerry and his new baby daughter dropped in a couple weekend's ago for a visit.  It had been almost five years since last we've seen once another.  I had missed his mother's funeral, his wedding and the birth of his second daughter.  A shame since there was a time this kid was like a brother to me.  He was looking good, really good:  a massive upper body with extremely well built arms and a broad chest from training as an underground cage fighter.  Jerry moved out to Joliet a couple years ago where he settled down, got married and had a baby girl who is five months now.  His first daughter lives in another state with his estranged first baby mama.

I couldn't believe it's been five years.  I grew up with this guy!  We didn't really see each other too much after we all moved out of the apartment we shared in Berwyn along with another buddy from our adolescence.  We caught up, reminisced about our wilder times and laughed about old memories.   Jerry about what happened with The Mistake but I'm not up for rehashing the past anymore.  I just want to look forward and move on.  That's the reason behind my secret blog.  Some other time, we agreed.  Hopefully with alcoholic beverages involved.

I almost forgot I met The Mistake shortly after Jerry came to live with me in Chicago Ridge.  I was a few years out of college, after living with Deejay before getting together with Andre.  I had grown up in the old neighborhood along side Jerry and his older brother and sister, who I also ran with.  It was a big group of kids, sometimes we'd all hang out together, at times the girls split up and did what ever the hell they did while the guys did our usual "male bonding" activities.  Usually this meant we'd all be sitting around in someone's empty house jerking off to whatever porn we managed to get our hands on and seeing how far we could dare one another to go.  The most being putting each other's hands on another's erect penis and jerking them off for a few seconds and simulating sex on inanimate objects.  Most notably Jerry dropping trough and baring ass to fuck the couch (between the cushions) to completion in front of everyone.  This was also the same guy who when we put some money together and went to purchase a fake pussy couldn't wait till we got back to the neighborhood and was already trying it out in the car on the ride home.

Jerry was always an exhibitionist.  Mainly due to his large cock that hung like an elephants trunk and was about the size of a can of soda around.  Something we learned early on when we tried to not include the younger Jerry in any of the older boy's reindeer games.  Most of us were intrigued, amazed and a bit jealous at his ability to suck his own dick.  A feat matched only by one other guy in our group, a puerto rican kid who grew up to be another random fuck buddy.  Story for another time.  During my high school years when our male bonding grew to include tag teaming girls and allowing each other to watch during sex (most of the time without the girl's knowledge) Jerry and I began to experiment alone with jerking each other off to climax and oral.  Oddly enough, this was something Jerry never had a problem sharing with people.  In fact, none of the guys from the old neighborhood had any hang ups about talking about our "sessions" when asked.

Years later, after I had been out of the neighborhood for some time but still keeping in touch with my old crew, Jerry's mother contacted me.  Jerry was having some problems we never got into at home and they were serious enough she asked if he could stay with me until they worked things out and she compensate me with groceries and part of my rent.  I agreed.  Jerry and I were always close.  I told her I'd keep an eye on him.

Soon after Jerry was arrested for trespassing into Bachelors Grove Cemetery after hours.  I received a late night call from The Mistake asking for help bailing him out.  He was a friend of a younger chick Jerry was dating.  I officially came out to my friend the next day when The Mistake and I began making out in the back seat on an impromptu trip to the beach.

The Mistake dared me to call Q101 and request Britney Spears, Hit me Baby one More Time.  I did.  They told me I have the wrong radio station and hung up on me.  Minutes later we laughed as I got on air.

It was the beginning of the Mistake and I.  They lied and told me he was 18.  I found out months later we was only 15.  I was 23.  It was too late.  We already were the best of friends.

A few more moves back and forth between  North and South side throughout the years and Jerry and I ended up sharing another apartment.  This one in Burbank and also with another good friend of ours.  Sometime during that time our bonding went further and we were having sex.  We had already experimented with threesomes that included the Mistake, my friend Gilbert and there was the time I was fucking this random guy I was dating during a party and Jerry walked in and sat on the bed and proceeded to have a conversation with me.  So I invited him to join.  We began making out.  I would be walking past his room with an apartment full of people and his bedroom door would fly open and pull me in to mess around.  For a time he was even openly bisexual.

It's so strange to remember all that and to see him now.  Family man.  Still hot.  I wonder...

HOE TRICK!

I pride myself on being a problem solver.  If there is a particular issue I'm taking umbrage with at the moment I like to deal with the situation head on.  Take this whole Matt and Marky bullshit.  I know Marky is a coked out, emotionally stunted, walking hard on who can't have an adult conversation to save his life and likes to pitch a bitch whenever he feels a situation isn't revolving around him enough.  I know Matt is young, inexperienced and dickmatized by any large cock attached to the nearest Latino.  I could have sat back and watched this train wreck collide with a bowl of popcorn in my lap and a cool beer in my hand.  But, Matt's my friend.  And Marky ignored my warnings not to mess with MY people like that.  He can play hoe trick with his random pieces of ass all he wants but don't bring that shit to my house.

I had an interesting online chat with Marky earlier where he practically laughed hysterically at the idea of his hooking up with Matt.  Odd, since for some reason Matt has it in his head they made some romantic connection.  He had a few derogatory comments to make about Matt.  Somehow I think both of them aren't being completely honest.  Which really, it's none of my business and I don't care.  But don't lie to me.  I'm not stupid and neither one has the brains to pull off pulling the wool over my eyes.

I lured Matt over later that night with a bag of weed and he brought along a bottle of Irish Whiskey he swiped from his parent's liquor cabinet.  Classy, huh?  We had a good time and I made it a point to conveniently leave my chat session open on my lap top which was placed on my desk.  Not too obvious, but if i learned anything from The Mistake it's that when left to their own devices, a true homo wont be able to resist being nosey.  Matt didn't disappoint.  It wasn't too long after a purposefully prolonged trip to the washroom that he was ranting about what a prick Marky was and that he couldn't believe he could be so stupid.  Even going as far as sending him an angry (and drunken) message.  Oops.  I even feigned annoyance at his invading my privacy.

...I'd like to thank the academy.

Nipped that in the bud.  But oddly enough.  We ended up with each other's tongues in our mouths and spooning on the couch till the next morning.  Ok, let's get one thing straight.  I don't like Matt like that.  We're just friends.  But we were drunk and it's always nice to have a warm body to rub against on a freezing winter night.

Looks like he'll attach himself to whatever penis is available and come along for the ride as long as he gets to be close enough to watch the show

Oh Matty, Matty. What can I say about the newest addition to the "Ex" men turned fav gay little brother. I'm not quite sure if he's just playing dumb in hopes I will swoop in and save him or if he really is this naive.

See this is why I don't usually have many gay friends. Really? Seriously? Matt likes Marky?!? He thinks he's sweet. And OH SO masculine. What. Thefuck? Who the hell did he meet when we all hung out the other night? Sweet? Masculine? Wow.

And don't get me wrong. There isn't an ounce of jealousy attached to this little rant. Like I told Matt, he's young, single, attractive. If he's out there looking for a good time than hop on. But he's talking about someone to share his life with, to wake up in the mornings with. Marky? MASCULINE?!?  Of course, there's also the main plot point:  Marky has a boyfriend.  Which Matt claims Marky has denied his existence to.  Really?  Cause his Facebook status plainly states "in a relationship".  Not to mention Marky's proclamations of love and dedications he makes quite frequently to "the one I love".

"I don't know what to believe?"

Really, Matt?  See, I'm not jealous.  I'm frustrated.  I'm not dumb and can usually see through people's bullshit.  I also like to believe that I surround myself with fairly intelligent people.  It would disappoint me to know someone who is really as stupid as you are trying to make me believe you are has infiltrated my inner circle.  I'm also pretty annoyed he thinks I'm this stupid to not see right through his games.


His feelings are so strong for someone who has said no more than 5 words to him in person?  Who outwardly and vocally lets people know that he is NOT attracted to white men.  The night he made this supposedly strong bond with Marky was the same night he was practically presenting himself to me for penetration any moment he got.  What's messed up is I don't even believe he is really into me.  He's just nursing a bruised ego at my rejection of him for Dante.

I fucked up though.  I tried my best to play the role of concerned friend.  I listened and gave creative criticism but it just started getting more and more ridiculous.  I should have just let Matt go through the motions of pursuing Marky, and then tried my best not to laugh in howling, shoulder wracking hysterics when this ends exactly the way I know it will end.  I should have retreated, calmed down and kept my comments to myself.  But I couldn't help it.  I just don't want Matt, or anyone else, to get the impression my reaction had anything to do with non existent feelings I'm sure Matt likes to think I have for him.  Whatever.  If I were straight I would be married and on my third kid by now.  But then I wouldn't be able to suck a dick ever again.  Eh.

I think I may have to dump him as a friend.  Let's see what that will do for his ego.

Matt's drama part two, strike two

Following is the chat transcript of my conversation with Matt about his newest drama that somehow leaks it's way into my life.

Matt is online.12:14pm

12:14pm

him - hey

12:14pm

me - hey. wats up?

12:14pm

him - nothing just looking for jobs

12:14pm

me - any luck?

12:15pm

him - well im finiding a few places that are looking for help

so im just filling out apps

12:16pm

me - cool. hows classes goin?

12:18pm

him - good keeping me busy

12:19pm

me - good. u feeling any better? u seemed down last night

12:19pm

him - i was

but i feel better

i just hate how gay guys are so selfish and nosy

aand so self centered

12:20pm

me - anything u wanna talk about?

12:20pm

him - yeah

if a guy isnt my boyfriend

and were not ddating

and there is no sex apart or our relationship

then why the fuck is he keeping tabs after me like he is

sorry but that s a job for my man which he is not

so he needs to cool the fuck off and realize we are just friends

fuck....

12:21pm

me - who is this?

12:21pm

him - a friend of mine

its beginning to become annoying

and i dont know how to address it to him

12:22pm

me - like specifically. what is he doin?

how is he keeping tabs on u?

12:24pm

him - he doesnt like when other guys are around me

i think he doesnt like the fact that they might be interested in me

i thinkhe is insecure

but hes a good friend

i dont know what to do

12:24pm

me - just tell him how u feel

be honest

tell him that u feel like he may be reading more into your friendship than ur willing to give

explain why

and ask him why he's acting that way and make it clear that it is making u uncomfortable

12:27pm

him - ok

12:27pm

me - was that any help?

12:28pm

him - yeah

thanks

12:28pm

me - i mean if he's acting like this he probably has a crush on u so if u want to continue being his friend and care about not hurting his feelings just be straight out with him

and make sure ur not leading him on

12:29pm

him - im not leading him on

he puts himself in this situation

12:32pm

me - u should just make sure u tell him ur uncomfortable with him acting this way

12:32pm

him - ok

12:32pm

me - is that wat u were stressing about last night?

12:35pm

him - kinda sorta

and i kinda like this boy

but

im not sure if its right

or like he is interested back

i think its my age again

12:36pm

me - how old is he?

12:39pm

him - late twenties

early thirties

ish

tall cute and so handsome

12:43pm

me - why dont u tell him how u feel

12:43pm

him - and he is masculine

well

i dont know him all that well

yet

hopefully i can

but idk

12:43pm

me - so get to know him and see where it goes from there

but im glad u found someone u like. thats really cool

hope it works out for u

12:45pm

him - well i do

but its a hot mess i guess

12:45pm

me - hot mess wh

12:46pm

him - i guess ill write hime a message and tell him how i feel

12:48pm

me - dude but if u guys barely know each other maybe u should take some time to get to know one another better before u tell him

regardless of wat u say i'm sure he already has an idea. body language tells it all. let it happen naturally. u cant tell if he's into u yet?

12:49pm

him - not really

but when we met

there were others there

i dont know

12:50pm

me - are we talking about anyone i know?

12:51pm

him - =/

12:51pm

me - BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

u like marky? 

12:51pm

him - thanks Slutty Iotis

im sorry i told you anything

thats just mean

12:52pm

me - dont be. it's just really funny. dude. please ur just dickmatized. how can u like someone who u barely said 3 words too

im not being mean dude. i just know marky .

lol. good luck with that

please tell me u werent talking about me when u were telling me about ur friend

12:52pm

him - no

12:53pm

me - lol. ok. cause that would be the COMPLETELY wrong idea u got.

but yeah. u and marky.

lol.

12:53pm

him - why is that funny?

12:53pm

me - no reason. i'm smokin. so it's extra highlarious right now

12:54pm

him - whatever Slutty

12:54pm

me - :-)

12:54pm

him - im trying to have a serious conversation with you

12:55pm

me - im sorry. go ahead. i'll keep my comments to myself

12:55pm

him - no im not sayin that

im just saying be mature aobut it instead of laughing at it

12:55pm

me - im sorry but he's so masculine

LMAO!

dude he might as well have a rainbow tattoed to his forehead

12:56pm

him - well i like him

and please dont tell anyone

12:56pm

me - lol. i wont.

12:56pm

him - promise me that Slutty

i will get crzy out of line if you do

12:56pm

me - dude it's really not that serious

12:56pm

him - im just warnning you now

lolk

12:57pm

me - dont threaten me

ever

again

im just warning you now

12:57pm

him - im not threatening you at all

12:57pm

me - ok.

12:58pm

him - is he a bad guy?

or should i just forget about him

12:58pm

me - dude u do u.

i have my opinions but in the end theyre my opinion

ive only known marky for two years

12:59pm

him - ok

12:59pm

me - but if u really want my two cents because i care about...

12:59pm

him - what

1:01pm

me - my personal opinion is that u should try setting ur sights a little higher. i know u have this hard on for blood in blood out movie extra wannabees but seriously besides a good fuck what really can u expect out of guys like that

if a good times wat ur looking for than hey.

your young

single

attractive

enjoy it while it lasts

just remember.... play safe

but if ur talking about dating and being serious with someone

trying to find a partner

not just someone whos pretty much nothing more than a big dick

1:03pm

him - he seemed sweet (and this is where his stupidity finally pissed me off)

1:04pm

me - he seemed sweet? seriously matt tell me one sweet thing he did that night. besides letting u get a live peak at his dick while u guys were peeing

1:04pm

him - i didnt even see it

and i wasnt looking to see it either

1:05pm

me - who cares either way?

seriously dude. sweet? masculine? who exactly did u meet at my place that i didnt even know was there?

1:06pm

him - i guess i was just hoping for too much

i like him and i think he is a cool guy

but im pretty sure he doesnt feel the same way about me

1:07pm

me - he doesnt like white boys from wat he says

1:08pm

him - hmmm oh well

wanna come and pick me up? ill bring over alot of food so we can cook dinner or sumthing

1:08pm

me - but im just gonna say this cause i am a firm believer of getting things out of the way to avoid any problems. don't try to use me to get closer to him either.

1:08pm

him - and being white is something i cant help

1:09pm

me - its not an issue. its prefernce. just like u have a preference. it just is what it is

1:09pm

him - ok

so you wanna chill?

1:09pm

me - i got somewhere to be at 6

some other time

1:10pm

him - ok

and it continues again later....

Me: but u seem to believe otherwise so who knows

2:02pm

him:  wow.....

what has he told you about me

if anything

2:03pm

me:  thats it.

we never really discussed u

2:03pm

him:  ok

cool

well just keep this between me and u

im going to go curl in a ball somewhere

2:09pm

me:  why dude? ur acting like this is the love of your life.did ur dick shrivel up and turn into a vagina while i wasnt looking or something. this is someone u've known for all of three seconds

i wont tell anyone but fyi. it's gonna take all my concentration not to DIE laughing when i see mykey next

2:09pm

him: or what hes trying to cover up (isn't his subtlety amazing?)

2:10pm

me:  HUH?

2:10pm

him:  nevermind

2:10pm

me:  or what who is trying to cover what the fuck are u talking about?

2:10pm

him:  i dont know why he would tell me one thing

and tell you another

2:10pm

me:  nah. bitch. u opened ur mouth spill it

2:10pm

him:  and then lie about having a boyfriend

2:11pm

me:  (ok, now he's really starting to bug me) i dont really think he's lying if ur dumb enough not to look at his status on his facebook

2:11pm

him:  thats why i asked him

he told me no

2:11pm

me:  lol. enjoy matt.

2:11pm

him:  im not going to pursue it

i dont have the patience

2:12pm

me:  i cant talk to you abou this any more. its too funny and i dont care to get involved in marky's love lifeor watever it is

patience for wat?

2:12pm

him:  patience of wondering what is the truth

i cant make the same mistakes more than once

then im just asking for it

oh well

2:12pm

me:  yup

2:13pm

him:  im going to go get some homework done

2:13pm

me:  ok

im not sure if ur playing dumb

2:13pm

him:  dumb for what?

2:13pm

me:  but honestly this is so ridiculous im not sure

he said he doesnt have a boyfriend

but his facebook status says otherwise

there are dedications to that special someone and the one he loves on his face book page\

and even practically mentions him by name. but ur not sure?

are we playing some kinda wierd game im not in on or are u really this naive?

me and marky have a saying

bros before hoes

me and mykey are bros

where do u think u would fit into that equation if u decide to get into te mix?

2:16pm

him:  but why would that even matter

2:16pm

me:  why would wat matter?

2:16pm

him:  if i was in a relationship with him you wouldnt be apart of it

and if it didnt work out watever

2:17pm

me:  are we having the same convo cause i feel like im missing all this subtext

LOL> a relationship.

2:17pm

him:  im not sure what you mean by bros before hoes

im done talking to you slutty

have a great day

(fyi, he wrote me about fifteen minutes later apologizing for getting angry)